Message from a convert.

If you came to my blog to find controversy against the Mormons you came to the wrong place. My story is to express my experience, and to help teach future converts like myself and the already huge Mormon community Utah already has. I'm going to give you a short background of my life. 

My family was raised LDS, my sisters all grew up like most Utah kids and was baptized at the good age of eight. 

At that time I was four years old and don't remember much of going to church or even being taught about the gospel at that age. 

After my older sister was baptized we stopped going to church and I grew up knowing nothing about it. I was always a very spiritual kid, experienced things I never liked telling people for the sake of being weirder than I already am. I had my experiences with the dead, with the living, and grew up a very intuitive child that never New what the Mormon bubble was. I seen things as a kid that got my little brain a rolling and asking a million questions about life and our purpose. I guess when you spend a lot of time alone as a kid you have more than enough time for thinking. I was a odd kid for sure, never fit in with any click or crowd. I kind of just became friends with the kids most like me. Weird into witch craft and thinking I could fly ha ha I was ten ok and had a great imagination. 🦇 

I got really bullied as a kid from a lot of kids in school. It didn't matter what school I transferred to there was always someone their with a mouth that kept going.

As I got older I kept my circle small. As much as I would have lived being a popular kid it wasn't in my cards. Wasn't till I got older and out of high school and realized I worried way to much about that stuff anyways. 

With my childhood and teen years suffering hard from depression and anxiety and mentally not able to understand or analyze situations I became very childlike. I had a kid of my own already but mentally still suffering from my past, and all the mental, and physical abuse from situations I don't want to speak about because I have since moved on from that. 

I was destroying my relationship with my husband and was drinking way to much and putting my responsibilities on the sidelines. I was selfish, and I honestly hated my life. 

I found unhealthy ways to get attention and it all could have ended my marriage. So I knew I needed a change and I finally after a few years decided I needed to grow up and be responsible. I had a lot to loose and I needed to not be a jerk. 

So I decided to stop partying and doing irresponsible things and wanted to straighten myself out. 

I started saying my prayers which I haven't done in a long time. Well after a cigarette and a beer and a VERY long talk with the missionaries I decided to have them over for lessons. I never knew about how the religion became and I was genuinely curious about it. Now from my understanding they teach lessons for only a few weeks and then if you are ready you get baptized. Well I had so many questions in my head and they didn't have any answers for me. It became tedious to do these lessons because o wasn't getting a thing out of it. So we decided to send over the mission president to help out with my deeper questioning. After a month and a half of lessons it started to click and I was beginning to understand the religion better. I quit smoking, and drinking mind you I was 20. I was more excepting of the religion and the teachings. I finally decided after two months and countless blessings to get baptized. January, 17th 2009.

I went on doing church things and meetings and all the birthday dinners and fun activities ect. I met great people and had met some not so great people. 

After about five years in the church and being sealed for time and all eternity with my husband and three kids everything changed. 

In 2012 after my last son and miscarriage I fell ill and bedridden. I prayed Day and night to either be healed or to be taken home because the pain was so excruciating I didn't want to be alive. I analyzed every possible reason as to why I was suffering so bad. What did God want me to learn from all this? I was dying. I became so severely depressed but I wanted to be the best mom and wife that I could. I knew how much I would be loosing if I had given up. I prayed all day, all night and I felt like god had put me on mute. I became discouraged and started wondering what was the point in all this? Living, and our lessons ect. 

I decided to think outside my Mormon trained mind. After countless blessing and prayers not being answered I began to doubt my faith. 

I guess some people do? I haven't talked to a lot of converts. 

I started doing energy work, EFT, prayers to the universe, using oils, practicing positivity and gratitude. That changed my life. 

After all my misery I woke up one day with no pain and feeling completely euphoric. I knew then I was on the right path. Did this make me leave the church? No it didn't actually, it helped me.  

What started pushing me away was the people. Yeah you read that right, the people. 

After all that time being sick I lost a lot of weight. I was 5'4" and 119lbs. I know we always say we don't go to church for the people, we go for the gospel. Well guess what? When people are rude to you, it makes it hard to attend church period. You want to go and be at peace when you are there, not filled with anxiety.

People would come up to me and grab at my waist and say " you are just to thin." Or at relief society parties I was told "I was to thin and I needed to eat."

I would go home and cry because I was so sick and people knew that and yet they still were so mean about it. One problem here is the gossip and the clicks within the church. That has got to stop, it makes me sick. 

The church teaches to love one another as I have loved you and yet I have never felt so out of place and judged till after I have been in those walls for a few years. Yes I have tattoos and a history much like we all do but when people look down on you for it that's when I have issues. 

After the skinny incident I stopped going to church. I would go every Sunday even if I went alone until then. 

After going to a new ward I tried to share my testimony with strangers and then I found out they all were gossiping behind my back and saying I had cancer. I just laughed and blew it all off because I knew that wasn't true but that made me not want to go there anymore. At the time I was diagnosed with MS. People got that twisted big time. I don't like being the talk of the town . I like being quite but I will talk when I need to. 

Over time I got to thinking about how flawed everyone is especially in the church. We are all broken but we don't need to be eachothers punching bags. We are supposed to be able to lean on eachother for help. After a lot of thought about the last couple years and going through my head my experiences I became really sad. I realized I had more anxiety, more depression and way more weight on my shoulders to the point it literally was hard to breathe. I just didn't fit in or fit that Mormon mold. It didn't feel right anymore and I felt like I was forcing myself to be someone I wasn't. I would have to be a different person when I was out and put on a front just to look like a good church going lady. 

I did learn a lot and I grew over the years to be a better wife and more understanding. I matured a lot especially after three years of personal counseling. 

After a while peeling back the fake layers of who I thought is had to be made me feel like the weight was slowly lifting off me. I found that just being outside in my garden, in nature, using my oils, crystals, and meditation from my own space made the word of difference with my health and wellbeing. I found that Mormonism isn't for me. 

What I did find is that there are lots of religions and a lot of souls that are each on a different path with a different purpose, and we all aren't going to be able to be the same. We weren't born to have the same lives, the same religious beliefs, nor are we to have the same trials either. We aren't meant to be the same. 

There are 7.4 billion people on this planet 🌎 

And Buddha taught that love can cure the hate. 

We don't need religion either to be respectful, kind, loving or understanding. We just need to be ourselves, do what we feel is right for ourselves because we are spirit beings on a journey of our own. I think a lot of people forget that. Some people search for religions to help them understand the world better but we can't understand the world better if we don't understand ourselves and truly love ourselves for who we are. Some people find comfort in knowing the past and how we became who we are but history is history for reason and what we need to be focusing on is the present because what happens in the now and how we feel right now is what is going to determine our future and how this world will be in the decades to come. 

Humans have been around for hundreds of thousands of years, each with their own purpose and meaning. 

I do not want to push people away from the church by any means the point of this post is to help people to understand that bullying can happen even inside the church walls and also to remind everybody that you don't really need religion to be happy unless that is what fills your heart with happiness and what helps you to be a better person. If it helps you to grow to be kind and understanding without truly judging others then that is a great achievement for you. Please do not push your beliefs on other people that do not want it at that time not everybody is meant to be a part of your religion  because all of our beliefs are different and all of our purpose' here are different. No two people are ever going to be the exact same way some people have a very strong faith and some are still struggling.  so for those of you that are Mormon open your heart and be a little bit more kind and understanding to others situations. Do not judge others because they do not join the church. Be nice to those that are a part of the church and be more excepting to those that aren't either. people can love other people and have relationships with other people it does not have to be based off of religion. I was told that several kids growing up couldn't be friends with other kids or play with other kids unless they were LDS and I think that's where some people are getting their religion twisted. 

 Please be courteous of other people's paths in life regardless if they're like yours or not I think people of our generation need to be more open minded and more understanding because we will never ever ever be the same. 

Now that I have taken the path that makes me the most who I am I feel like I finally found my purpose in life. 

No I no longer do find myself a part of any religion I do believe in ominism and that there is good with in all religions. I meditate, burn sage, and do yoga daily, and I have found more peace within myself I'll because of it. I believe in God and Jesus Christ all the same but I do believe in the universe, energy, and light work.

Just some advice continue to love yourself love your neighbors be more compassionate do more gratitude and be more open-minded because we are all human we all bleed the same color, and we are all on a journey. 

🕉☮️❤️ 

Focus on the good!

Focus on the GOOD!

Some days that's easier said than done.

Im glad where I am at in this life because what people have done to me lately would have normally filled my heart with anger, confusion, despair, and I would normally hold a grudge.

Now when someone tries to hurt me I just focus on the good. 

What good comes from people who actively try to hurt you?

well, for me it was them being my lesson.

They are my lesson on trust and who not to trust. 

whether its a friend or family trust can be broken and sometimes never regained.

I have learned that when I focus on the good things their drama seems to effect me less because I dont feed into their problems.

I learned that some people victimize themselves to justify certain actions and it is absolutely absurd and disgusting to me. 

They actually steal and cheat people and then turn around and play the poor pity me card and it makes me sick.

I also feel a little sad because thats the life they chose to live. I dont see them happy hardly ever but yet extremely miserable and always on the move. different people, different homes, loosing all they had because they want people to feel sorry for them.

what ever happened to people striving for independence and being self reliant? It gives such a sense of peace when you accomplish something good and I wish more people could do good things.

The reason I write today is because I have learned a lot and I have also learned that even your own blood can betray you and make you look like the victim because they dont want to confess to their ill actions. 

I remember reading the story of Cain and Abel.

Well... they were brothers and yet Cain killed his brother.

I have found that the bond between blood isnt as thick as we were taught to believe. Even the thickest blood doesnt stop the evil.

I learned how to read people and see between the lines of the stories they have written. They dont want to re write them either.

Rock bottom isnt imminent because to many enablers and to many second chances.

I want to be around people I can see eye to eye with,

people with good vibes and a good heart.

people who seek a better life, happiness and health.

People that are goal oriented and have a purpose for only good.

Those are the people I want in my life.

I want the good in my life.

when you find people you vibe with "Keep them"

they are so far and few between and they are truly special people.

now I know I'm not a perfect human being because I for one do not believe in perfection but I do see the world differently.

I full heartedly believe in Karma.

What you put out, you will receive.

I believe that you should never hurt others but to understand their situation because we all have issues.

I wish I could help others see the world i see but you cant force someone to feel or see something they havent opened their hearts to.

call me a hippy moon child but I definitely dont fit the average mold of what society thinks women should be.

Practice forgiveness but dont let anyone hurt you.

be kind without expectations.

give without the expectations of receiving.

The universe will help you when its your time.

Be the good!

When someone throws you to the ground, and wants to dull your shine, remember you are a diamond and have been compressed and  been through heat to get to where you are. Let them throw you but remember you are scratch proof.

You will shine no matter how much they try to bring you down.

Now its my time to move on. When you see who you want in your life you will see how making an effort to be in theres makes all the difference in a relationship. Some people are just not meant to stay in your life period. Its ok to move on with your life. 

Lost Girl

Lost Girl

Kim meibos

Today like non other I am at a loss of how I feel or the right words to even say. Usually I'm all about sharing my struggles and trials and how I have overcame them, but today I just dont have it in me to do it.

I have taken a small break from social media because it has been taking up a lot of my time the last few years and believe it or not I actually got a lot done for once.

Ive been doing more yoga, canning peaches and Jalapeno jelly and even did a small Fall craft. but to be honest I have felt an enormous amount of anxiety and a need to do something for myself. Its that time of year when I do a lot of renewal and cleaning out of my emotions because I dont like carrying baggage from one year to the next.

So.....

I have been thinking a lot about friendships, relationships, who I am and goals ect..

I have found that not many people Love me or even have a slight interest in my well-being... I dont care about that though... I have always put out more than I would ever get in return. Thats how most people are though, most dont want to care about people or they care to much and for all the wrong reasons. 

I know I cant get out of this world alive so I have to be able to make the most of it.

Also a huge one is I have learned that not everyone needs to know what I am doing or my likes or dislikes all the time. I have found a better connection from disconnecting and im all the better for it.

I no longer find joy In organized religion and found joy in nature and a better understanding for myself through learning to love myself. I found there is good in all religions and I wont label myself as one specific religion anymore. If I had to choose I would be Ominist. I have my reasons and that isnt for the whole world to know.

I am who I am and I will do what makes me happy.

Im open minded and have a soul very few would understand and I have a very deep connection with only a select few people in my life and I like it that way.

I know that the people that want to be in your life for the better will be the ones who will make an effort to be there in it and vise versa.

Im a coffee drinking

yoga loving

nature walking

star gazing

human with a soul of a hippy flower child and a confused mind about the world.

I care way to much

love to much 

and love music and weird people with heart.

I wanted to take some time to build me up before I can go and help build others up to. I dont like drama, I dont like overly active talkers of negativity because it is draining to listen to. I dont like close minded people that are judgmental either. I find that in my life there are only a few I will had this cool connection with and I dont mind keeping my circle small. 

Remember its ok to be different and Its ok to not be liked by everyone. Not everyone will understand you and not everyone needs to know your story. If I have told you my whole life story and why I am who I am its because I can see a lot in you and enough to share what means a lot to me. True friendship is hard to come by.

Always just remember to be unique! you are special because there is No one else like you!

Namaste

P.s. I will blog more but Itll be a while!

Adventures

Summer Adventures

The weather here has been so amazing so yesterday me and my kids decided to take a walk. we encountered some Llamas and a cool looking spider and they also told me I was a flower Queen ha ha .

On our walk my kids would pic a few flowers and stick them in my hair. They said I looked so pretty and It always melts my heart.

my kids are adorable. they sure do know how to make me smile and make me feel special and I always try to make them feel special in my life as well. they mean the world to me.

check out this cool spider

When you take the time to look at the small things in life you really find and appreciation for them.

shes so fancy and she loved saying hi, and didnt spit on me so that was a bonus.

also got my garden in which took a year to do because you couldnt even see dirt here it was all weeds.

Planted some beans and corn 

she didnt like the cotton blowing in her face ha ha ...

 we over all had a good day yesterday! get out and enjoy whats around you.

Autoimmune Diseases aren't real...

Autoimmune diseases aren't real....

written by 

Kim Meibos

Ok... I know what you're thinking.. What is this girl talking about ?? right?!!

If you haven't read my blog before please go to my blog post from April, 2017 and read it.

If you would like to Donate please follow the links in the side bar.. for mobile devices scroll to the bottom of the page. Thank you to those that donate as well.

So lets get this started shall we?!

So you all know I'm Sick... wohooo... nothing new right? we all know that. well tonight im going to share with you something you all don't know. Why? because I'm not alone.

So why the header? why say that autoimmune disease arent real? I didnt say it but many people have to me.

UGH.... Seriously erks me.

so like many people that suffer we dont always have to hurt in one specific spot. sometimes its several spots and maybe they all dont get relief the same way. like for instance my back pain (picture below) Tylenol and ibuprofen doesnt touch, it doesnt look to bad but my L5 is pinching some nerves. I have Illeitis ( Inflammation of the small bowel) also treated with only Toradol. If I dont catch it in time I end up in the hospital. 

I have done EVERYTHING I could to help my body from pills, essential oils, cbd oil, crystals, energy work, acupuncture, chiropractic care, diet, supplements, to gratitude and I still suffer every day. 

Today I seen a new chiropractor because I fell in January and my lower back has been on fire since.
I'm very sore from that adjustment and been doing ice on and off today.

I have become numb. numb to the pain some days and also numb to the truth. I have to fake everything I do and it is exhausting. 

I fake a smile, I put make up on every day even when I dont want to because the scarring on my face is to embarrassing and I dont want people to stare at me. I smile because I am not rude and dont want to come off as rude even when I really shut the door and cry most days.

The reason I typed that autoimmune diseases arent real is because several times through the years I have been told I look fine, you dont look sick, why arent you in bed then, or flat out that its not real and I'm faking it. Man when I hear this I want to come unglued on some people.  It happened the other day, We were asked why I see so many drs, I look Fine and just looking for attention. I sometimes cry when people say that because they have no idea the emotion and physical strength it takes to hold myself together and not climb in a hole and cry.

Some times I will even whip out my meds bag and be like REALLLLLLY??? do you think I want to take this crap??? hell to the NO but I have no choice... This below is just a small portion of what I take. including my Potassium because I cant keep the levels right in my body FYI potassium deficiency isnt common and is a pretty rare thing to happen in young people my age. 

So yes autoimmune disease are so real, some you cant physically see and some you can. when you cant see it please dont think its not real. 

Now for some good news

I do have some good news though for my readers besides always complaining about how I feel. I finally started school.. how am I doing it? I dont know but I feel so happy when I'm there I for a few hours forget I hurt. Im going to be a CNA. I have always loved working with people and being a caregiver so I chose to go and do something with myself besides be depressed and sad in my house. I get to go out and do service. I love working and being around older people. They need love just like you and I do. I have also had a very good interest in the medical field since I was really young and I know somethings very well. I have waited ten years to go to school and I'm super ecstatic about it. Its familiar territory for me and So far I'm doing really good. I have four weeks left till I get my certificate yay!!! 

I cant give up HOPE... I hope none of you suffering do either. Its hard to keep going some days I understand it all to well but just know there are still so many good things to get out of this life still if you open your heart and mind and seek the things that make you happy.

Also on a side note keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Im being tested for kidney cancer, kidney disease along with Lupus since it runs in the family. Im not to worried because even with answers there isnt a cure either way and I will NOT do chemo therapy. Dont think im selfish that is something my husband and I have discussed. 

also for others please read "The Spoon Theory" to better understand someone who suffers.

To make donations to help me with medical expenses I would be forever grateful. I hope that one day I can return the favor after school by passing on the good deeds to those I will be around every day. thank you  My health Blog.  

Please copy and share to Facebook please. we could use all the help we can as my medical bills have been piling up and with new specialists I have been seeing. 

  https://www.gofundme.com/m5jq6y-medical-expenses

Finding Strength

Written By;

Kimberly Meibos

Today I felt the need to talk about finding strength in difficult times. Being one of many people who have suffered from depression and anxiety on top of a incurable disease I tell you it has been nothing but one of the biggest roller-coasters I've ever been on.

I have had anxiety my whole life since I can remember. I would get awful stomach aches and be terrified of going to school and I felt like the biggest outcast. I grew out of the stomach aches after a year but I tell you It wasnt ever easy when you have a mess of a life.

Being a kid that got bullied in elementary wasnt easy either, man nothing is easy not even our very own trials but what do you do to get through it?

For me when I got sick I had to really find ways to make me feel better. If that meant finding a hobby or just taking a walk to enjoy nature to make me feel a little better I made sure to do it. We all have struggles and go through hardships but its what we learn and how we get through it that matters.

I have cried countless times, ask many many people for advise and looked for ways to heal out of the normal western ways because I wanted to have a good life. I strive every single day to make sure I can function like a normal person, and to be able to be strong enough for my children because If I'm down then they are down and its not fair to them to have to suffer with me.

the one thing that gets me through my hard times is my husband.
he makes me laugh and makes sure I laugh at least once or twice during the day. laughter is so good for the brain.
I also try to find things less stressful like my garden or taking a hot epsom salt bath.
I turn to God for help and understanding. I also look for ways to help others anyway that I can. Its a rewarding feeling being able to put a smile on someone elses face.

remember that you arent alone. when we are going through something hard we get stuck thinking how bad it is and really we need the reminder that we arent the only ones that are going through trials. its sucks to think there are more people like me but at the same time we learn to lean on each other for support and help. what works for some might just work for others so we have to help each other out. Be positive, have faith and hope for a better day, and find positive affirmations to say out loud every day. Never give up even when you feel like you are alone and even when you feel like no one cares because There is always someone. You are ok to reach out and ask for help.
There is help and dont give up.

There have been many times when I have sat and wondered what I was going to do if I got sicker and then I had to realize I'am very fortunate to be here and have been able to have my life, family, friends and good and bad experiences because I have learned so much. I wouldnt trade my life for anything because I love my family. We cant escape what we are meant to go through so we must learn from it and move forward.

Keep your head up and keep moving forward. find what makes you happy and do that! Look outside the box.

If you find spirituality or you find something you are good at and it makes you happy, find a way to do that often. You are important in this life and you deserve to be happy.

Have a good night.
love Kim

Mother's Day

Mother's Day 2017

What does Mother's Day mean to you?

A few years ago I had to have a Hysterectomy and after that I hated Mother's Day. It broke my heart because not only did I want more kids but Mother's Day was two days after I had it done and I was absolutely miserable.

Oh but did I get spoiled by my children and husband. I was experiencing so many emotions at the time but still the love of my family never failed. 

I havent had my mom around much either and to me that was really hard to want to celebrate Mother's Day. 

Well this year I had to dig down and really think about what it means to celebrate Mother's Day. Why do we do it and what does it really mean? what am I going to get out of only being noticed one day out of the whole year? A LOT!!!

What an Honor it is to have a day to be able to say I am raising or raised my children!

I gave Birth to this baby, I held you inside me where I kept you safe from the dangers of this world for a short time. 

How amazing it is to be able to have held you, even if it was a short while before you returned to Heavenly Father. What a blessing your children are to your life.

I carried you

I held you 

I clothed you 

fed you

worried for you

cried for you

stayed up late nights for you

used myself to nourish your little growing body

I adopted you

I raised you

I have cleaned your face

I have tucked you in at night

I have laid there dreaming of what you are going to be or what you would have been

I have laughed with you 

Made funny faces with you

been in pain for you.

No matter what I will love my children because they are a blessing. The ones I have here and The ones I have lost. 

Being a mother is so important. Us mothers can be so hard on ourselves because sometimes at least I know I have felt this way but Sometimes I feel inadequate. I see other moms and I think "Man I need to be more like her or do what she does." then I realize that is so unrealistic. We wouldnt learn from each other if we were all the same. Each of us moms have something different to offer and that is an amazing thing. None of us are better nor are we worse but we have all been through something different and have been raised different and that is something that we need to realize. We all have so much to learn from each other and need to remember that we are remarkable and we are doing a good job!

Even though we only celebrate the one day out of the whole year it never hurts to show your grateful for your hard work and your mothers hard work throughout the year. make some brownies, give some flowers, give a home made card, or call and say Thank You! If your mother is passed send a prayer or visit the grave site and if you are to far away send a good thought or balloon message. It feels good to be told as a mother that you are doing a good job. You have been through SO much and remember how special you are.

this is my first year to enjoy Mother's Day and I hope you all know how important you are and how special you are. 

I'am Blessed to be their Mother and to be the daughter of a good Mother!